April Showers Bring May Flowers

Dear Blog,

I was thinking about how I was going to start this entry off. I got a few things on my mind in the middle of a Sunday night. Don't know where to start, but I try...

Saturday was such a weird day. It starts off with Colleen hitting my car as she backed out the driveway. It dented my hood a little, but really nothing noticeable compared to all the other things wrong with my car. Then we car pooled with Rebecca to see Wicked. But as we got on the interstate on Power, we tried to merge in with traffic. Rebecca and an eighteen wheeler were side-by-side by the end of the merge. What were our choices? Brake was the first thing! But there was too much momentum to stop on the dime.... so hit the eighteen wheeler or hit the side rail? We hit the side rail, sort of bounced off, and the eighteen wheeler clipped the rear view mirror. Strange thing was that we were still driving right behind the eighteen wheeler going like 60 like nothing happened. Haha. Needless to say I was a bit scared during the whole ordeal, but I'm fine now! And, of course, to top off the weird day, an incident occurred as we were watching the Broadway show, Wicked. Mid-way through the second half, the theater goes black. I wonder if it is part of a show, and an audience member yells what I am thinking.... "Is this part of the show?" and multiple audience members yell back "No!". There was a fire in a motel in the vicinity, and Entergy was required to shut off the power. We did not get to see the rest of the play, but the two main characters sang one of the final songs A cap ell a. It was a unique experience, but many people were still mad that they didn't get to see the show. We really won't know what the theatre will do until tomorrow.

Sunday rolled around, and we had a nice Easter lunch at Colleen's family's house. And now it's the middle of the night, and I think...

I think too much sometimes. I think whether I'm making a wise move by doing something I know I'm passionate about, or I wonder if I should move on and try something new. I love videogames, love developing, and love problem-solving. But is it something I will make money with? Will I be accepted trying to do this?

My family has shown me a lot of support, especially when it comes to following my dreams. And my wonderful girlfriend has also been doing extremely supportive. But I still feel judged. I'm pretty sure I'm doing it to myself. I'm working on a simple little board game, and I constantly say to myself, this has been done. But it's something that gets me excited, and I want to follow through with this (unlike so many other unfinished projects in my life). I admit, I get depressed sometimes, severely unmotivated at others. I just want to quit, mainly because I'm not making money.

But I won't! It's just how I feel sometime, but I'm strong enough to push through. I need to stop inventing excuses, and just move! I'm almost done, I see the finish line (or at least I see the next "step"). I need to get there. I will get there! The biggest things in my way are my darn thoughts!

- ET